fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
