apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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