"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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