You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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