Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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