I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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