Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
