Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
