in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
