Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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