10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
