Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
