can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize
