She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
