Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
