Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
