i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
