I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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