apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
