Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
