He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
