spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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