Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
