You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
