God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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