Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
