The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
