I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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