i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
