i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
