yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
