I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
