Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
