Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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