I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
