what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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