I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
