I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
