She's JV to your varsity
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
