why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
