I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
