As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
