I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
