do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you made out with another girl for some wings
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
