I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
