My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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