Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
