tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
