see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
