Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
