So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
