Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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