Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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