This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
