he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
