what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
