I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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