It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
