haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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