You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
