Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
