I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
