I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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