what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
