a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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